#14 Self-Worth and The Courage to Pause

“We’re a culture of people who have bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us”  – Brené Brown

Ooops! I did it again…

I had a long to-do list in front of me, and writing to you is one of them, although I planned to do it last week among many other things…

Not sure if you’re feeling the same (let me know if you are). I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I was feeling anxious, stressed, overwhelmed and had lots of resistance and guilt coming up to me, even though I want to do more and help more people.

I spoke to a friend whom I am very grateful for questioning me at that time “Cyndi, why are doing this to yourself?” followed by “Why do you have to do it now, why can’t you take a break and do it later? You can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself!”

“This hurts!” But so true!

Busyness hurts, and so does realising we are caught up in it. But let’s face it – That is a culture that has raised us to believe that our worth is in how much we achieve and how much we do.

We live in a fast-pace and very achievement oriented society that has us tapped into a system that is all externally referenced. We’re taught to look outside ourselves and compare with others to see if we’re doing okay. And all the systems outside of us are organised according to what degrees do you have, how much money do you have in the bank, what kind of achievements have you racked up? And so most of us have this internal programming that is, if I’m not striving to do more, if I’m not achieving enough than therefore I’m not valuable, if I’m not working, then I’m wasting time and I would feel guilty about it. And that really doesn’t serve us because it has most people overworking. And it generates a constant underlying feeling of not being enough, which is pretty devastating to the way we feel about ourselves and the way we live our life.

But do you know that Your worth is based on who you are, not based on how much you do?

Do you know that rest, self-care, good sleep and healthy lifestyle are also very important? When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.

Have you heard of the 80/20 Rule that says that 80% of our results are caused by 20% of our actions? Sometimes less is more, we can work smarter, not harder.

SO HOW DO YOU FIND SELF-WORTH AND THE COURAGE TO PAUSE?

After taking a nice relaxing break to rest and recharge in the last few days, I’m feeling much better, energised and motivated with joy and inner peace, and I’m actually singing along  as I’m writing to you now. =)

I want to share with you some coping strategies that I use so that you can also practice self-care, self-acceptance, self-compassion and develop “self-worth muscle”.

1. Focus on your Breathing
Take a “purposeful pause” of just a few minutes, focus on your breath, body and mind.
How is your breathing right now? How does your body feel? Are there any tensions anywhere? What are your thoughts and feelings and what is your attitude towards them?

You do not need to change anything, it is not at all a question of feeling better or different, but simply of being aware and observe your thoughts and feelings passing in front of you, accept them all in a non-judgmental way.

2. Daily Routine to Practice Mindfulness
Finding one or more routine moments in your daily lives to “be all here”, using a playful, experiential approach, like:

• Drinking your first tea/coffee in the morning, paying attention to its preparation, the aroma, the sensations on the hands holding the cup and the ones linked to the taste; the lingering flavour in the mouth, the sipping process;
• Opening your front door on the way to work, or the office door on the way in (focusing on body movements, then zooming in to the hand, the sensations on the skin, and widening to any feelings, thoughts or even sounds);
• Walking on the street, paying attention to the sensations under our feet, the pace, the surrounding environment.

3. Digital Detox with ‘54321’
Put your digital devices away and get back to nature (e.g. cloud spotting, walk to a park, water your plants, stargazing…etc)

• 5. Look for 5 things you can see
• 4. Feel 4 things you can touch
• 3. Listen for 3 sounds
• 2. Smell 2 things in front of you
• 1. Taste 1 of these things.

Take a deep breath in and enjoy being in the present moment. Life is full of abundance!
All of these suggestions ultimately help you remember to take care of yourselves, simply recognising that you are worth it.

Yet this is only possible if, on one hand, you are able to foster a friendly, caring attitude towards yourselves, for example by asking yourselves a few times a day what it is that you really need right now; and on the other, if you are willing to find the courage to pause, to have a short break, a few seconds of silence – sometimes even just a breath.

You are allowed! You’re already 100% worthy…

Much love,
Cyndi